I don't currently have an amp. Now, I should have an amp. I play guitar after all, and I think I put in some sweat equity on a few amps, but I don't have one.
There are amplifiers out there that are unused and could be that I feel I have some share in. I'll never see that beautiful tool again. That is neither here nor there except that over the last week getting an amp has become an obsession. I'm not playing the guitar with SST at this time, so it's definitely not a need. RD and Jay and Chris are extremely generous letting me borrow theirs, so I can fill in any pick up that comes along, but there's a part of me that really wants this piece of equipment in order to be a man again.
Let me explain and if this pisses anyone off they can rest my nuts on their chin and breathe deep of some asshole. Shit, check it out while you're down their because the only cat this will piss off is a damned expert on assholes. And I'm not naming names. After years of earning the money that paid for that amp (and someone's' rent, food and beer while the rest of us found our own way) I was told that I could buy that amp for $800.
Apparently there was money still owed on a large amount of equipment. I figure you can deduct your living expenses from any amount you're still paying and I'll deduct the few grand I got in 15 years and I'll bet it's not quite a wash. Don't fucking kid yourself, you are not paying for that equipment and you are not entitled, you're digging out the (over) three years you lived on our sweat and I doubt that washes, either.
Hell, take out the blame we all wore at some point for things going how they did. Take out how I felt and what I gave and the loss of my friends over all kinds of slander and isolation because I stopped having that dream, Later than Pat but before the rest-nevertheless, something everyone went through at some point. I put in my songs and as many years as anyone (and as for songs, mother fucker you can have what I did because I have something you never will and that's the ability to get more on my own. A future. Not to mention you can only own rights and publishing and the shame of having something that doesn't belong to you). Take out how much I doubted myself because this did fail.
Deduct anything you want. Add in any contributions you made-and there was a lot. In the end, you tally everything up and I guess we're jake. You've paid for your isolation and your loneliness in full. Enjoy it. Enjoy that and all that shit and all the tools to make music (not cash) and park it & make it useless like you have all of your emotions and the people who care for you because you'll never see a dime from me. I'll be damned. We're square and I'm done. I'm not even mad anymore, it's just I know what your absence is worth.
And I want an amp badly, a decent 50 watt or better tube amp I got without you.